


Blue Balls

by ConboltIsFire



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:20:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConboltIsFire/pseuds/ConboltIsFire
Summary: Looks like love is in the air as these couples get hot and heavy but will they be able to complete the deed as someone breaks up the sexual tension without even trying? Main pairings: NaLu, GaLe, Jerza, Gruvia, and more. Lemon Parody. Rated Mature for suggestive themes and some cursing. Now featuring omakes: Struggles of A Harem King (In-Training)!





	Blue Balls

“Hey! What’s up?” (Talking)

_I can’t believe I just said that! (Thinking)_

* * *

  **Blue Balls**

**_Chapter 1: The Doctor Is In_ **

* * *

 

Natsu stood in a patient room dressed in scrubs and a doctor’s coat when the phone on the table next to him rang. “Nurse, who is my next patient? Oh no, Lucy hurt her big thigh during the game? Send her in.” He dropped the phone lazily letting it just hang off the table.

The door behind him immediately opened as a beautiful blonde girl with a white soccer jersey and tight short blue shorts walked in. “Hi, doctor. I need help with my boodddyyy.” She says in a loud suggestive tone.

“Ow. Ow. Ow.” She slowly limps over to the patient chair as if she was an awful actress. She lets out a loud sigh as she sits down and leans her head back thrusting her chest forward. “I hurt my big thigh during the big game right as I was about to score!” She pouts and locks her large brown eyes with Natsu’s olive ones.

“Well, maybe I can help you score right now? Where does it hurt Lucy?” He says in a concerned voice but it was clear he had other things on his mind as it came out in a fake tone.

“Way up at the top of my thigh. I don’t know about a centimeter away from my lady bits?”

“Let me take a look. How does it feel when I do this?” He wrapped his right hand around the top of her thigh and gave it a firm squeeze which got him an immediate response…of the sexy kind.

“Ugggghhh. I don’t know doctor. I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Uh. Good point. I’m convinced. Let’s do sex.” She turned her body towards him and they began to rub their hands over each other’s bodies but oddly enough they were not touching in any sexual places but were still moaning out loud.

“Oh yeah, Lucy.”

“Ah, Natsu~”         

That’s when Romeo walked into the room with his backpack on looking around Lucy to see Natsu.

“Hey, Natsu-nii? Umm. I had a two o’clock appointment and I still haven’t been seen. When dad told me you were practicing medicine to become a better wizard I thought I would come here to your hospital.” Romeo sniffles a little as he is completely oblivious to the situation that was unfolding. 

“Uh?”

“Yeah I got sick during Totomaru’s class and I wasn’t feeling too well. When I came here I signed the sheet for a 2 o’clock appointment but I’ve been waiting out there for a long time. Dad says I need to see a doctor right away. I’ve been throwing up all day and my stomach is really sore.”

 “Me too,” Lucy says from the patient chair. “My groin is sooo sore.” She rubs her groin muscles as she spreads her legs a little bit to get a deeper rub.

“And I need to make it more sore.” Natsu gives Lucy a fanged smirk and a dirty look.

“What?” Romeo looks so confused at that. “You’re going to make it sorer? Alright. I mean you’re the one who went to medical school, not me.” He scoffs to himself as he can’t believe how he doubted his great Natsu-nii.

“Yeah, I graduated best top of my class.” He says with confidence.

“Wow, that’s awesome Natsu-nii!”

“And I’m always on bottom!” Lucy was happy to chip into the conversation with that bit of knowledge.

“Well, that’s nothing to brag about Lucy-nee.” He said in a light reprimanding tone. “Anyway I’ll be in the waiting room but please hurry Natsu-nii.” Romeo walked out of the room as the two still in there had…unfinished business.

“So Lucy you play soccer now?” He leaned against the wall posing casually but still close to Lucy. “Does that mean you’re good at juggling balls?”

“With my feet.” She says with a light giggle.

“Wow, that’s hot.”

“But there is a problem doctor. I don’t have health insurance…” She looks sadly away from him as he gets off the wall and closes in.

“That’s okay. I think I can figure out another way for you to pay.”

“Oh, Natsu~” They began where they left off last time and rubbed their hands on each other’s bodies. Lucy boldly takes off Natsu’s coat and throws it behind him onto the floor as he continues his treatment on her body.

“Oh Lucy, ugh.”

“Excuse me Natsu-nii? I kinda overheard because I wasn’t all the way gone yet. I don’t have any health insurance to pay for your treatment so can I pay however she’s paying?” Romeo was now standing in the middle of the room still ignorant of what was going on.

“Uh...”

“I mean I could ask Wendy to heal me but I don’t want to bother her with such a small thing. And I really want to support you since you are trying to become a better mage and I don’t want you to feel blue.”

“But I have blue bean.” Lucy slumped in her chair a little as Natsu responded quickly

“Oh no! You need 50cc of boner stat.”    

“Wow, all this medical talk goes right over my head.” He laughed to himself as he was impressed by how smart Natsu was. “But I’m next right?” Romeo looked at him earnestly hoping for a positive response.   

“Uh yeah.” He said in an unsure tone.

“Are you positive?” Romeo gave him another look.

“Uh yeah but don’t tell the others they’ll make me leave.”

“Okay, whatever you say Doctor Dragneel.” He gave a smile as he walked out of the room happy that he was finally going to be treated. Lucy could not wait for a second longer.

“Oh, no doctor. Now my other big thigh hurts bad~”

“You’re in luck. I’ve got medication that cures anything but I don’t know if you’ll be able to swallow it.” He responds without missing a beat.

“Why? Is it big?” Lucy shyly takes a glance downward towards Natsu’s pants.

“Oh yeah. SO big.” He leaned in giving her another fanged smirk.

“How big is it Natsu?” She looked up innocently batting her eyes at the dragon ready to attack.

“TOO big for you to swallow.” He states emphatically and gets even closer.

“Oh is it like one of those big pills for stomach aches?” Romeo walks right up to the pair without warning causing the two to break away quickly.

“What?” Natsu asked feeling annoyed by another one of Romeo’s intrusions.

“Cause I know those are big but I can get them down with water. If not, my dad can cut them in half and put it in my mashed potatoes.” He looked towards and Lucy and gave her a grin as he thought he was helping her.

“Oh…” She gives him a nod as if he had said the most brilliant thing in the world.

“So please Natsu-nii give it to me. My stomach hurts really badly!” He groaned as he rubbed his stomach in hopes of easing the aches.

“I-I can’t give it to you.” He stutters out. “But I can have Wendy give it to you later hell yeah!” Natsu looks happy as if he came up with a brilliant idea.

“Thank you Natsu-nii. You know my dad was nervous about this doctor’s office since it’s in a hotel but I think you will do great. So thanks for squeezing me in.”  

“I love to squeeze things in.” Romeo laughs as he realizes just how giving Natsu can be.

“I know. You’re jam-packed today.”

“About to be.”

“Well, it must be hard.”

“It has to be hard.”

“Okay. Well, then I’ll get out of your hair Natsu.”

“I don’t have any hair.”

 “Ha! Good one Natsu-nii!” He laughs to himself as he walks out of the room for the third time. Natsu turns quickly towards Lucy again ready to reassume his role.

“Now let’s get back to your big thigh. But first, let’s get you out of those clothes. They’re in the way.” Lucy stands up and gives a small smile as she turns her back to him and slowly pulls up her jersey.

“Like this doctor?” He gives her an approving look over and encourages her to continue.

“Yeah just like-” He was interrupted yet again but this time by not just one individual but two.

“You see Wendy he’s right in here helping Lucy.” Romeo quickly walks in and gestures to the two.

“Romeo you can’t just barge in. You should knock first.” He gives a sheepish look while rubbing the back of his head.  “Well, I must be lucky since you were coming over to see me because Natsu has something for you to give me.” Wendy looks surprised as she did not expect Natsu to help him so quickly.

“Wow, Natsu you diagnosed Romeo so quickly! I was worried when Macao told me he was sick and too stubborn to see me.” She turns her head over at Romeo giving a disapproving look before looking back to Natsu.

“Well, I’m glad you are really learning medicine and have already started practicing.” She gives him a smile but it fades as she notices something behind him. “Um, Natsu. Why is your coat on the floor behind you? It should stay on you at all times while treating a patient!” Natsu looks uncomfortable as this was getting completely out of control.

“Wendy maybe he tried to put it on the rack behind him and it fell off?” Romeo tried helping him out but Wendy was not swayed and just gave Natsu a stern look. Carla was really rubbing off on her recently and medicine was something she took seriously.

“Fine. Anyway Natsu, do you have the medicine for Romeo so I can give it to him later? He told me you had something only I can give him.” Natsu and Lucy both looked at each other but Lucy just left Natsu out to hang.

“Umm yeah. Wendy come over here and I will tell you about it. Don’t want to bore the others about it right?” She nodded her head assuming that he was going to go over a more in-depth analysis of Romeo’s condition that would be boring for the others to listen to.

“Yeah sure.” She walks with him over to a corner of the room as Romeo talks with Lucy.

“I hope you feel better after this Lucy. You look as if you really need whatever Natsu is going to give to you.”

“Yeah, you too.”  He nods knowing he will be okay now that Wendy will take care of him. He looks over to see Natsu whispering something to her and her eyes widening each second he goes on.

_I hope I’m not too sick._ He looks worried as Wendy’s face is really red and her eyes were astronomically big at the end of Natsu’s talk. She quickly looks over to Romeo and back at Natsu before she walks quickly towards him.

“Is everything okay- woah!” She pulls on his hand and pulls him with her towards the door. “So are you going to give me the medicine?” He asks as she walks out with her head down refusing to look at him.

“NO! Not for a long time Romeo.”

“But what about my stomach?” His face pales as he imagines having to deal with these aches for a long time.

“I will treat that.”

“So you are giving it to me?” He looked confused as she said no again embarrassed. _Man, this medical stuff must be hard. I don’t understand what’s going on at all._ The door shut behind them as Natsu and Lucy were finally alone for good. He clears his throat and readies himself again.

“Now back to that big thigh-“

“Shut up and let’s have sex.” Lucy was having none of it as she pulls him in for a kiss and intentions of finishing what they planned for. Natsu couldn’t argue as he immediately responds to the kiss and wraps his arms around her.

_Geez,_ _role-playing is hard…_

**This idea was inspired by an SNL sketch and I plan to continue them as a series of one-shots maybe connected but I doubt it. The next one will be GaLe and should be around the length! I’ve also decided to add omakes to every chapter that I can. The omakes are a polar opposite to the main story where Romeo has his own harem and is finding out just how difficult it can be! So please enjoy and I’ll see you next chapter!**

**Struggles of A Harem King (In-Training)**

_No Vacancy_

"I really need to stop going on jobs where it's so damn cold. I'm getting too old for this." Macao grumbled as he stood in the doorway of his home and shook off the snow flurries on his jacket.

"Hey! I'm back and hungry! Do you want to go get something to eat?" He yells out as he hangs up his jacket on a coat rack and takes off his snow-covered boots. Not hearing anything Macao wonders if his son is even home at all.

_Did Romeo go out to eat already? I am back later than I told him._ He steps forward and as he makes his way he hears the sound of footsteps coming from his son's room on the second floor.

"I know you can hear me! Come on!" He walks up the stairs and down the hallway to where Romeo's room is. Macao opens the door to see his son sitting on the edge of a large cushioned chair with a blanket over his legs.

"Have you been playing this game all day?" He looks over to the large lacrima screen in front of his son and shakes his head. "No…I've uh done other stuff." Macao just sighs at that and looks around the room for a moment to notice that the blinds on the opposite side of the room were shut.

"You should really get some sunlight in here. Sitting like this with the lights on isn't good for you." With the way the room was oriented Romeo's chair was pressed against the foot of his bed leaving only a little space for Macao to walk between Romeo and the gaming system. As he took his first step towards the blinds Romeo spoke up.

"Don't worry about it! I'll open them up in a minute. I wanted to get some fresh air in here anyways but I don't want my stuff to fly around so I need to put away some of the stuff on my desk."

"Okay." He took a step back and remembered why he came up to speak with him in the first place. "Before I forget did you want to go out to eat?"

"No, I'm not hungry. I just ate a while ago. I made something from the leftovers last night."

"Alright. I'm going to go to the guild to turn in my job, eat, and I'll stick around there for a while." Romeo cracked a little smile at that. "Just don't get too crazy old man. You wouldn't want to spend another night under a table in the guild."

"Cana cheated! There's no other way she could have out drank me that night! I was at the top of my game!" He rose his voice for a moment before grumbling about how the contest was rigged from the start.

"Haha, sure dad." Romeo shook his head with a chuckle and Macao joined in. "Well see you later."

"See you later." He stepped out of the room and Romeo heard the sounds of his dad going down the stairs and finally the door being shut. Romeo breathed out a sigh of relief and leans back in his chair.

Suddenly the blanket between his head rises and out popped a familiar blue-haired head.

"Is he gone?" Wendy threw the blanket behind her and took in a deep breath. "It was so hot under there. I was worried that I was going to get caught."

"You were great, there's no way he noticed you." She smiled and stood up brushing off her legs. The sounds of the blinds sliding open caught their attention and sunlight filled the room revealing two young women.

"Nice job stopping your dad from checking the blinds. I was worried she was going to trip over herself and take the blinds with her." Meredy pointed to her pink hair friend who was now a little red in the face.

"There was no way I was going to fall over! If anything was going to happen, he would have noticed your brown boots sticking out!" Chelia replied with a huff. "Hmph. At least I have a sense of fashion unlike you with those dirty sneakers of yours!"

"Guys come on! You both have your own style and I really like how both of you look!" Romeo stood up trying to calm them down as Meredy's red eyes clashed with Chelia blue eyes. He didn't really know what else to say but he didn't have the chance to come up with anything else as his closet next to the bed opened up and a body flopped onto the bed.

"Golly I felt like a carrot that's missed pickin' season being in there so long." Beth rolled onto her back and stretched out on Romeo's bed, enjoying the sunlight hitting her face while missing the confused looks she was receiving from the others.

"Do you know what she means?" Wendy looked confused and asked Romeo but he just shrugged his shoulders, letting it go. Beth rolled down the bed to stand up but that caused a sudden commotion from underneath it.

"Hey! How could you have forgotten that we are down here?!" One serious voice yells out from underneath the bed.

"Oh, Heine! This is so much fun! We haven't played hide and go seek in forever!" Another more playful voice emerges from under the bed.

A young woman with black hair rolls out from underneath one side of the bed revealing her navy-blue bandanna with lined design and a golden crescent moon-shaped hair ornament on the back of her head. At the same time, another girl with orange hair in short pigtails and brown bows rolls out from the other side with an excited look on her face.

"Those were training exercises, not childish games." Juliet didn't reply to that but instead jumped into Romeo's arms wrapping her arms around his neck and brings her face close to his showing off her bright brown eyes.

"We did good, didn't we?" She giggles as she notices Romeo get flustered at her sudden close proximity. "Yeah, you and everyone else did a really good job of hiding." Juliet smiled brightly at that and rose both of her arms up in victory.

"Yay, Team Conbolt!" Her cheer brought a smile to the others faces causing even Heine to form a little one.

"Yeah!" Romeo pumped his fist into the air also in comradery. "So, it looks like dad won't be back home for a long time so let's just relax and figure out something to do." He sat back down onto his chair and was about to pull something up on his lacrima screen when Heine suddenly sat on his lap.

"What-"

"I had to hide in the least comfortable spot so therefore I get to sit in the most comfortable spot now." She spoke so calmly but she a small blush on her cheeks that she tried to hide by looking away from Romeo.

"No fair! I had to stand the whole time so I should get to sit on his lap!" Chelia sat herself down on Romeo other leg and curled up against him.

"That would mean I would also get sit on his lap too, airhead." Meredy had her hands on her hips as she stood behind Chelia.

"I brought extra chairs so we can sit next to him Meredy." Wendy placed a chair on each side of Romeo and sat on the side Chelia was on while Meredy sat on the side Heine was on. Meredy took Romeo's right arm and leaned her head on his shoulder while Wendy did the same on his left.

"Guys I can't-"

"How ya'll gonna leave me out of this party? I know what I can do." Beth sat up on the edge of the bed, snaked her arms around his neck and from behind and rested her chin on the top of his soft purple hair. "Mhmm comfy."

"OOOH! Me next!" Juliet ran over and sat on the floor laying her back on the chair so she could sit as close to the screen as possible but also take up the last few inches of quote: "Romeo Space" from the space between his legs.

Romeo tried moving a little but none of his ligaments would budge.

_I really need to find a new place to live there's just not enough space for all of us…I can barely breathe!_


End file.
